A Single Night
by Lady Sable
Summary: Riku's life is changed drastically during the course of a single night. Dark Ansem and Riku story. Yaoi.
1. Nightly Betrayals

**A Single Night**

_Disclaimer: All characters copyrighted to their respective owners, as in Square-Enix, Disney, and everyone who created and helped produce the astounding game **Kingdom Hearts**… basically I don't own anything, I just give the boys a chance to come out and play for a little bit._

_Ah…and the XXX does not mean what you're thinking, (well...maybe in some cases it does)…but mostly it's just the way I split up the story and start new thoughts._

_On to the story! (Just remember…in this story Chain of Memories and KH2 does not exist…that's why I consider this somewhat AU)_

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**XXX  
**

_(Ansem)_

I could feel your hands. Soft, gentle fingertips searching cautiously; anxious, yet so very hesitant. You wanted it, but you were so very afraid.

Fear…so unlike you. You'd jump into a battle without a second thought, without worrying about the outcome, but such intimacy made shivers run down your spine. Were the memories catching up to you, my darling?

_XXX_

You knew even then, those long four years ago, that my body seethed with evil and darkness had been consuming my heart for as long as you had taken in breath. You knew that my intentions were impure and immoral, but still you pursued me for reasons even now I cannot fathom.

You wanted me with unmasked lust and I couldn't keep my hands off of you. I don't know how long we kept up that secret pursuit of one another…

My reputation was at stake; you were but a child and I had already burnt out a lifetime, stalking in darkness. You were mature, and wise beyond your years, but your conscious was still housed in the body of a teenager. A teenager that even now I yearn for.

But even as high as the stakes were, as we all know, lust is hard to extinguish. Once the painful temptation seeps into one's heart, one wants nothing more than to entice the object of one's desire, despite all consequences.

That's why each night we played that naughty little game; the one where I would seduce you wildly and torment you until you laid in bed pleading for me to give you the climax your teenage body ached for. The same twisted game where you would sneak into my bed and wrap yourself willingly around me at night; and underneath the cover of darkness ease my hand between your young trembling thighs, begging for my touch.

It was a cruel eternity, wasn't it, until I finally let my last inner barrier of doubt fall to the intense fire that burned between us and let the inferno of passion consume us both.

"_Ansem!" Your voice screamed out in a high, throaty pitch as I repeatedly ground into you, your body arching against me, quivering with desire. You threw your head back in ecstasy as I murmured your name brokenly, my hot tongue running across the curve of your slender neck. You begged and pleaded, needing relief from the painfully hard erection you were displaying, so I placed my hand on your length. After moving my wrist expertly, you came quickly, your body shuddering and tightening around me. I followed soon after and pulled out, rolling off you. I panted heavily and tossed my long hair, reaching out a hand to cradle your cheek._

"_You all right, darling?" Your eyes turned to meet mine and I could see you were still lost in the euphoria of what we'd done. I pulled you close to me and to my relief you wrapped your arms around me, burying your face in my chest and covering my tanned skin in the lightest coat of kisses. I stroked your silver hair and tangled my legs in yours, while I whispered how proud of you I was, how strong you were for taking all of me in the first time… How desperately I loved you. We fell asleep like that, entangled in my ebony silk sheets, surrounded by the distinct scent of sex. The air and atmosphere was sticky and hot, but we were sated and in love. _

But even after all we'd been through, in the end I broke your fragile heart; broke the delicate trust that had been built up between us. Why would you ever consider touching this body again?

_XXX_

"Ansem…" I heard your low voice whisper in my ear; a desperate noise aching with unspoken desires and lusts. I had dreamed of hearing that passionate sigh for so very long… I shifted, feeling your hand tentatively run down the planes of my stomach, your advances threaded with obvious unease.

"Can you accept this so readily, young one? Do you have any misgivings?" I asked softly, my hand gliding across your shoulder blade and moving up to tangle in locks of silvery hair. I saw your aqua eyes move to stare into mine, your hesitancy distinct and plain upon your beautiful face. You looked down, pale bangs sweeping over your forehead.

"I still don't trust you. You _lied _to me. You told me you loved me, then you _used _me; you tried to make me kill my best friend…how could I possibly trust you?"

"I didn't ask for your trust, darling. I won't even ask for your forgiveness. I know I'll never receive that." You shook your head, but raised a hand to my cheek, your fingers tracing over the pliant skin of my cheekbone.

"Why are you back, Ansem? We defeated you four years ago…how did you ever manage to climb out of the darkness?" I gave you the barest hint of a smile as my hands moved down to curl around your lean hips.

"I could ask the same thing of you. Last I saw, you had been locked away." You flushed and gave me an ashamed look, your shoulders drooping.

"Sora and his friends came and saved me. I couldn't find a way out myself." You looked frustrated and uncomfortable, so I brought my hand up to cup your cheek and you leaned into me, showing me a certain trust your words had refused to acknowledge. I was amazed you would let yourself remain so vulnerable around me. Where were those internal shields I broke through four years ago? Were they never reconstructed? Are you still broken inside, love?

"Sometimes we all need assistance." I removed my hand from your hip and took your callused hand into mine, watching your face for any reaction. I decided to change the subject to something more fitting of our position. "You've changed so very much…I'm surprised I recognize you." Your lips curved into a shaky smile; your face giving a feather-light flutter of innocence that your childhood had deprived you of.

"It's been four years…I'll be twenty in a month. I'm no longer the boy you remember." I returned your smile, rubbing my fingers over the knuckles of your hand. You certainly were different. That effeminate, beautiful face I remembered had been replaced with a more matured, handsome version.

Well-defined features dominated your face and lean muscles corded your body, but your eyes remained the same. Infinitely deep aqua eyes that made my heart beat twice as fast.

"I see that." I said quietly, suddenly chastened by the moment's intimacy. It had been so long since I'd held anyone in my arms, that I had almost forgotten the feeling.

"Ansem…" Your voice changed. It wasn't the casual voice I had heard only moments before; it sounded more…subdued, yet still managed to be sultry and svelte.

I knew what you wanted. And I wanted it just as badly.

"Ansem, I don't know how to feel." You shook your head and I could only imagine the thoughts going through your mind. "What if Sora or Kairi found out? They don't even know about last…" Your voice died out and I knew you were remembering.

_XXX_

Four years ago I didn't just invade your mind…I invaded your body and took you senseless as you cried out and begged me to go faster, push further. I made promises to you while you were a prisoner in my realm and gave you passionate, eager sex in return for your unquestionable loyalty. And that was all you wanted; that was the lascivious game that had pulled us down into the agonizing depths of desire and despair.

I suppose I knew your motives even then. You were frustrated that your best friends had fallen for each other and you were the odd man out, ignored and unwanted. You were dying for someone to come along and ravish you; smother you with attention; love you and make you feel as important as everyone else. I filled that place, didn't I? That was why you followed me without hesitation, without pausing to consider the consequences.

That was why I claimed you each night and whispered those sweet nothings in your ear, pulling you deeper and deeper into that dark, deceitful web of lies I had spun. Each declaration of love had only dragged you further down into the ebony abyss of my heart.

_XXX_

You remembered that, didn't you? You remembered the lies and the pain; but you must have decided that my cruelty didn't damage you that severely. If it did torture you so greatly…then why did you force yourself on me, straddling me on the same bed we made love in all those years ago?

You'd made a mockery of your own distaste of me when you wrapped your silky thighs around me…you knew that… You knew it and you refused to care because I was the only one who could make you feel anything. Four years of loneliness had seeped into your shattered conscious and had affected you greatly. It was too long to wait, darling. _Much _too long to lie awake at night, aching for a touch you believed you'd lost.

"They don't know what went on between us before. How can I tell them you're alive and we're..." The heat jumped to your face again and I could barely contain the grin that curved my lips upward.

"Then don't," I whispered, grazing my lips over your earlobe and eliciting a tiny tremor from your tense body. "I can be your dirty little secret, just like I always have been."

"Ansem…" Your wavering voice held such pangs of yearning and pent-up desire that I almost expected you to break down and sob from all the hidden emotions I could detect in that simple whisper. I could only imagine what memories of our countless nights of passion might have been flashing through your head at that moment.

Maybe you had a lingering thought of the night I crawled into your silk lined bed and undressed you with my teeth…or maybe your mind remained on the eventful evening you surprised me in the shower…

You turned and stared into my exotic orange iris' then and your aqua eyes glowed with such lonely despair that I felt my heart literally stop.

I needed you right then. A deep desperation overtook me suddenly and I needed that spark of your love once again. I needed to rekindle that intense craving beating within our hearts.

"You aren't alone anymore, darling. Come to me." I beckoned, tugging your body down onto mine. You let out a shaky sigh as you lowered yourself and I knew you couldn't resist even if you had wanted to. You let yourself get lost in my arms as we tumbled down to the soft feathers of my down bed and even after the long, painful years of loneliness, we held nothing back.

After all those years, I then realized just how much I had missed your fiery passion, my lovely little catamite.

_XXX_

_(Riku)_

I fell into an untidy heap upon the bed; panting and almost crying out from the exhaustion I had exerted in making that the best sex you'd ever experienced.

My backside screamed in protest when I stretched out beside you; an agonizing reminder of the possessiveness you must have felt. Your roughness must have reassured you that I was truly there below you, that it was my voice screaming your name into the shadows around us.

But even though I felt the stinging pain, lying there wound around you, I knew that of course I would gladly give up a night of comfort to reassure you, Ansem. I would've done anything to please you, anything to see your beautiful, silky lips curved up in a smile just for me.

I don't know what the past four years had held for you, but my pathetic life had been cold and desolate. I had been shunned for letting myself get caught up in your lies and becoming a slave to your demands. I had been blamed for being your little whipping boy and I had been the butt of more than a few jokes and insinuations. Oh, if only they knew the other half of my willing dedication to you…knew how true their curiosities were…

You stroked my hair quietly, just as you always loved to, running your fingers through my silver locks. I pressed myself into your touch and almost purred in contentment. I just…felt so loved right then. No one had ever touched me like you had; no one had ever spoken to me with such unbound emotion in their voice…no one else had ever made me feel like you made me feel.

"Are you in love with me?" I had asked softly, breaking the silence of our intimate moment. Your hand hesitated ever so slightly before moving down to cup my cheek.

"I love you more than the air I breathe, my darling." Your voice was clear and truthful…and that declaration made my heart soar. I was the recipient of pure, genuine love.

"What made you fall in love with me?" I tightened my arms around you, snuggling my cheek into your side and running my fingers down your skin in what I hoped was a sexy way.

"You're so very passionate. You let your emotions speak for you and you live simply to love. I find that extremely attractive." You gave me a light grin and moved your hand to ruffle my hair. "When you bared your heart to me…I fell in love with you." You looked down at me, flashing those exotic eyes of yours. "And are you in love with me?"

"Yes." I answered with absolutely no hesitancy in my voice.

"Why?"

"Because you're everything to me…I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only one who's really loved me and I've loved back. You're…my strength." You smiled then, but it wasn't your usual cocky smirk…that smile was affectionate and tender.

I couldn't hold myself back and I pressed myself to you, needing the touch of your velvety lips upon mine. You held me in your arms, letting me bask in your warmth and embrace, shielding me from the world outside our silk lined bed.

I was in Heaven.

You looked away from me then, tipping your neck back and looking toward your intricately designed ceiling.

"Riku…" I laid a few fluttering kisses on your collarbone and when you tightened your legs around mine, the world faded away, until only we were left.

Just how I wanted it.

_Just like how I'd dreamed nonstop for the past four years._

_XXX_

_(Ansem)_

How is it that life can return to normal pattern so easily after such a long separation? Four years had passed, and yet we picked up our lifestyle as though we had only been apart for a week. You never cease to amaze me, darling, at how quickly you can adapt to new situations.

I'm not even sure how you found me in the quiet, dreary city I had claimed as my home. I owned a small, out of the way apartment, and yet you managed to track me down, surprising me at my door by shoving me inside and immediately tackling me onto my bed. You were a victim of pure desperation, I'd say. But nonetheless you showed me a relentless devotion I could only admire.

After sating ourselves yet again, you drifted off to a well-deserved slumber. I smiled to myself as I looked down at your peaceful, sleeping face. You had such an aura of childish innocence…you reminded me of a fallen angel, able to rest only in the painless clutches of death. It was hard to believe that such a beautiful, loyal creature like you belonged to me.

That's why it hurt so much to make you the key element in my plans.

Ever since I discovered the darkness in my heart, discovered the pure delight in having minions and being a master; I'd wanted nothing more than to remain that way…The complete ruler. I'd established myself as dictator in Hollow Bastion, and my word was law…Until that child came and ruined everything.

If I had thought before that my reputation would be tarnished by taking you to bed…well it was nothing compared to the complete humiliation that faced me when I was defeated by a boy barely hitting puberty.

For the past four years I have been plotting, waiting for you to return so that my plans can commence…so I can once again rule these pitiful humans.

I laid a tanned hand upon your forehead, brushing away the bangs from your eyes that fluttered ever so slightly at my touch. It really did hurt me to use you. But whom else could I manipulate so easily? I needed someone who was close to the boy…Sora…and you, my darling, were the perfect choice.

I knew it would hurt though…because I love you, if you chose to believe it or not.

You awoke soon after I removed my hand from your forehead. You sat up and looked at me with such trust and devotion that it brought a pain to my heart.

My poor abused Riku…how could I do that to you?

It wasn't easy. But of course, a ruler must make the most political decision…and that I did. …Of course only after giving you the most passionate sex I could muster.

…_Passionate…or Pity?_

_(Riku)_

I closed the door to your apartment and walked down the mostly-deserted road, completely content and satisfied. After taking a few corners and walking down a few alleys, I spied Sora in the distance. I called out and attempted to wave him down when I felt your voice whisper in my ear. At the same moment, I almost felt those tender, plush lips travel down my earlobe, your sweet breathe tickling me. I stopped, confused, feeling a phantom hand running down my spine.

"Ansem?"

_"Do you love me, darling?" _Your voice echoed in my ear and I whipped my head around looking for you, even though you were no where to be seen.

"Ansem? I—of course! You know that! —Ansem, where are you?"

_"Would you do anything for me?" _I shook my head, confused, placing a palm on my aching temple; you hadn't communicated by mind-voice in a very long time.

"You know I would…why? Where are you?"

_"If you love me…you'll kill him." _I stopped dead in my tracks andmy eyes went impossibly wide.

"W-what!" I sputtered, shaking my head viciously. "What are you talking about, Ansem!"

_"Destroy Sora if your heart truly beats for me." _

"Ansem! I can't! Sora's my best friend! I'd never hurt him!"

_"You did before, remember? Do it now…before I get angry, love."_

"The only reason I did it before was because you made me!"

_"And I'll make you again." _My face went deathly pale.

"Ansem…please, no…" My voice was quiet as I pleaded with you. I couldn't accept your request. I crossed my arms protectively over my chest and squeezed my eyes shut tight. "No…I can't do it. I refuse! Please…_lover_, don't make me!"

_"Pick up your blade." _I felt a furious internal battle going on within my heart, and I ached in agony when my trembling fingers found their way to the hilt of my sword. Ice cold tears ran down my cheeks as I felt my own feet running toward the figure in the distance that I had called my best friend. When I got closer I saw at first Sora's face smile in recognition, and then confusion crossed his features. Then worst of all, his face became fearful of me as I approached. My best friend was afraid of me and I felt a passionate piece of me die when I realized Sora would die in fear, would die by the hands of his best friend…would die feeling cold and betrayed.

I let out a strangled cry of pain and everything went dark. The last conscious sounds I could decipher were those of metal cleaving through soft flesh and a tortured scream of anguish.

I couldn't tell whether the scream came from Sora or myself.

_XXX_

_I fell to my knees, my frigid body splashing in the puddles on the rain-soaked road. I saw his eyes, wide and full of horror…the sheer agony clear on his surprised face. I looked down at my bloodstained hands; at the crimson spattered across the pavement…_

_Dear God, what have I done?_

"Ansem!" I screamed, feeling the large lump in my throat and the tears once again in my eyes.

_**What have I done? **_

I knew you were watching me from the shadows and I jumped up, taking my tainted blade in my hands once again. The bloodstained metal felt cold and heavy in my fingers and I swung it around blindly, my rage and anger surpassing my grief.

"How could you?" I choked out, trying to wipe my damp bangs from my eyes and stumble toward one of the darkened alleys. "You made me kill my best friend! Why, Ansem? …Why…?" I fell to my knees once again, my shoulders shaking. "I-I thought you loved me…How could you d-do this to me?" I screamed up into the blackened sky over me. As if on cue, the clouds opened up and unleashed a torrent of rain that soaked me, mingling raindrops with the tears that trickled down my cheeks.

Crying out half-strangled sobs, I turned and looked into the damp alley, only to see the shadow of a cloaked figure with platinum hair turn away and leave. You.

I stretched out a hand to you, choking on my tears and grasping for vengeance I knew I'd never receive. I pounded on the street with my fists until fresh blood covered the pavement and I could see the whites of my knucklebones through my ripped flesh.

"Ansem…When I find you again…" Pain screamed through my shaking limbs, but I managed to crawl a few feet on my hands and knees until I fell in a broken heap in the middle of the wet road, defeated. I cried out in agony. "You'll pay for this Ansem! I swear o-on my life that I-I'll take care of you…" I couldn't stand it anymore. I finally gave up and broke down. I curled into a ball and sobbed, plunging into the anguish of mourning and nothing but the rain above to comfort me.

_What have I done?_

_I killed him. That's what I did. I killed my best friend in cold blood, for a man who lied to me and tore my life apart._

…_Was it all a lie? Did you love me…or was it all just a scheme? _

_(Ansem)_

Surprising or not, my heart clenched painfully as I watched your battered young body fall to the road before I turned away, pulling my hood up around my head and cradling to my chest the all important keyblade that had belonged to your best friend. I finally had what I had yearned for all those years, but at what price?

Once again people would respect me…once again I would rule. All in due time, all because of you… Oh, my innocent, naïve young lover…I broke you before, didn't I? Four years ago I shattered your virginity and shattered your blossoming trust in me…but this time it was so much more painful, wasn't it?

I destroyed your emotions. I toyed with your love and then I broke the large fragile heart that beat within you into a thousand pieces.

Now you have no one to trust, do you? Now you have no one that understands your tortured psyche and the pain that seethes underneath your calm demeanor.

No one will ever understand, except for me. You know that, though.

I know the thoughts that must be running through your head. Doubts about if our love was nothing more than an intricate plan to use you to my advantage. Do you doubt it, love? It's all up to you now. You can live your life alone, dreaming and wishing for before and hold onto that grudge or…

I shall wait an eternity for you to come crawling back to me, after you once again realize where your heart truly lies, Riku. You can hide for as long as you want…but someday you'll realize I'm the only one that faithfully loves you despite all that's happened. I have faith that once again you'll find me.

Until then_…may God have mercy on your corrupted soul, my darling angel._

__

**XXX**

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**

_AN: Well…that was unnecessarily cruel. (Slaps) Bad Ansem!_

_Well…This story was created one night under the influence of Pepsi, pretzels, Queer as Folk, and inspired by the song You and Me by Three Doors Down. Oh, how bittersweet…_

_Oh, and sorry about the random changing of the tenses…one moment I thought it'd be good in past tense, and the next I felt like switching it to present…and everything got mixed up from there. The events are kinda in a weird order…so I hope no one gets too confused. Heaven knows I am, and I'm the one who frickin' wrote it. ;; …Also my apologies for any mistakes I've made about the game itself…I haven't played it for almost a year, so things are a bit fuzzy._

_And sorry for all the biblical references…Hell, I'm agnostic and I use them, so of course all my stories will have large doses of 'Oh God' tossed into them. …It just seems to me to be the most desperate of pleas…Very powerful and compelling._

_Well…I refuse to let my author note be longer than the actual piece, so I will just say that I hope you enjoyed my story, and feel free to leave as many critiques as possible…God knows I need 'em._


	2. Sinking Under

**A Single Night **

**Chapter 2**

_AN: Okay…this story was supposed to be a one shot…but I felt sad at finishing it and wanted to do more. So basically I may put out a couple chapters about Riku and Ansem's strange relationship, and about what happens to their future. Cheesetastic, baby!_

_I do not own **Kingdom Hearts**.If I did...the game would be nothing other than a sex-fest between the pretty boys. _

_...and I doubt anyone but hard-core fangirls would want to play that one. _

_Heh-heh..._

_Anyways...I must warn…uhmm...there are suicidal thoughts and an attempt from Riku, and my language is a bit more course here than it was before. _

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**XXX **

_(Riku) _

I remember that my breath hitched when I watched the mahogany casket lower into the ground.

The shadowy figures around me were weeping, but for the first time in that past week my eyes were dry. I believe I'd cried myself out…I had nothing left to give Sora, even though that was the last chance I'd ever see him. How painfully ironic that I could cry before his death as he smiled at me and yet not even shed a tear as the casket lid had been placed over his cold, pale body.

I don't know how long I stood before the freshly dug grave.

I remained there, unmoving, as Sora's family members filed briskly past me, crying and choking on their own words of regret. As they walked by I felt such burning hatred glaring in their eyes, their attitudes venomous toward me…but I deserved it all, so I simply stood there, taking my punishment.

Oh, I deserved so much more…

…

Hours later, the commotion around me silenced as mourners left and I remained… standing alone as darkness settled upon the cemetery.

"Sora…" I whispered, lowering myself to the ground and lying a hand over one of the white roses Kairi had tossed onto the plot before she had run off, sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Sora." I choked on my own words, feeling the vile taste of agony building up in the back of my throat.

That emotion reminded me oddly of you, Ansem. Do you find anything ironic in that?

My mouth felt dry at the simple thought of you, and I almost imagined you standing behind me, mocking me and laughing about what you had made me commit. Ansem, did you enjoy breaking my heart? Did you enjoy stomping on me until I felt like I was no better than the dirt on the ground?

"I really didn't want t-to do that to y-you," I stuttered, the ache in my heart twisting my words. "I'm…so, so sorry." I stood up on shaking limbs, raking my fingers through my hair.

_'What can I do now? I have no one…I have no where to go. I can't stay here, I'm no longer accepted…and you…_

_God, I need to run.'_

_XXX_

I sat at the edge of the bar, hiding my face from the nosy bartender. Most places around this dingy town didn't care about my age, but this asshole had his nose shoved where it didn't belong…mainly right over my drink. The one I desperately needed to get me through another lonely, painful night. By my count…it was probably drink number four…but who was left to care anymore?

…

I was pleasantly tipsy by the time the bartender realized my ID was a fake and had me thrown out of the smoke scented bar. But at that point I didn't care…I was too trashed to mind and simply laughed when I realized my head had smacked against the unforgiving pavement of the street and my shirt was soaked from the murky puddle of water I had fallen into.

It seems that that empty lifestyle was what my existence was reduced to; each night sitting alone at a barstool, wallowing in my own self-pity, drowning myself in various liquors that made my head spin and my body ache with nausea. It was a nightly ritual to get beaten up and stumble blindly down dark alleyways, vulnerable prey to the vicious predators of the street.

'_Just fresh, drunken meat, free for the taking. Some night I should just wear a Goddamn sign saying: **Fuck me fast and hard, you soulless bastards; I deserve it, and I'm too drunk to care**.'_

…I suppose I only did it to torment myself; slowly poisoning my body as a sick and twisted sort of redemption. At that point I would've done anything to lift the heavy guilt from my heart; and losing myself in alcohol-induced negligence seemed as good a plan as any. I was on a path to self-destruction…but at that point I didn't give a damn about anything or anyone.

_'What a lie…'_

…Well…I gave a damn about **you**, but nothing else.

In the past three months, no one has been on my mind besides you, _darling. _Each night as I sat slumped over the bar and listened to the drunken, slurred words of my 'companions', I thought of no one but you.

I remember once that I thought briefly of Sora…but my grief overwhelmed me and I almost cried into my shot of whiskey. How unacceptable. I could deal with the anger and pain of your betrayal…but I wasn't past the mourning stage in my life and I refused to force myself to remember tragedies like Sora, when I had worked so hard to lose myself in the embrace of alcohol.

So while I was trying to forget the people who _really _loved me…I could only remember theone who pretended to love me.

Goddamn you, Ansem…you played me like a game of cards. You gambled with my emotions and lost…you ended up losing me.

_'But was I anything precious?'_

…

_'Why can't I stop thinking of you? Why can't I forget all those sinful nights that we found comfort in each other's arms?'_

Memories of our last night together seeped into my mind…_soft, gentle touches from your fingers on my smooth shoulders…your small pink tongue flicking over and dipping into my navel…my fingers tangling in your silky white hair as you spread my trembling thighs…my high, throaty voice crying out into the night as you took me senseless… _

Oh Ansem…You made me believe that a tainted, impure child like me could receive actual love.

…What a lie.

I guess I was so drunk from euphoria of being with you, I'd believe any falsity you whispered into my ear.

_'Oh…but how I wish it had been real…I miss you so much…'_

…That's the horrible thing. I _do_ miss you.

…And not just because of the sex. Of **course**, I miss that…but mostly I miss being **needed**. I miss waking up besideyou, thepersonwho loved me…I miss holding your hand tenderly in the morning right after we both wake up…

I felt like screaming. My constant dreaming of things that would never happen again were driving me insane.

Sometimes I have thoughts…that no one would miss me if I died. Would you? Right now…I can't think of anyone else who might.

Some nights when I go into my dark, lonely bedroom and see my sword propped up the corner, I think of how easy it would be to just drive it into my heart and end it all. How easy it would be to see the crimson pumping out of my chest in quarts and laugh as I sunk to the floor, finally gaining my freedom.

I blank out when I have thoughts like that. Everything goes cloudy and I don't realize what I'm doing. I usually come back from the darkness after a few moments…but on more than afew occasions when I return from obscurity, I find that I have my sword inverted and it hovers only inches away from my heaving chest.

…But the absolute worse part is…that it takes some coaxing for my hand to throw away the blade.

…Maybe it would be better for everyone if I did do it. If one night I forced my arm just a few inches closer…

…

I picked myself up off the ground, shaking muddy water from my silver locks. I looked down at my stained clothing, but at that drunken moment, I didn't care. Giving a few wary looks over my shoulder, I started off for home.

'_Maybe tonight I'll have the will power to drive that blade into my cold, lonely heart and finish this pathetic, empty life.' _

_XXX_

_(Ansem) _

'…_Mornings…are not my friends.' _

I was hunched over my countertop drinking coffee and nursing my nauseating hangover. It was excruciating enough that even the ticking of the clock on the far wall was giving me a headache.

It's funny how I can't remember _ever _getting drunk before I lost you, Riku.

…Maybe this is karma.

…I know this is where you've gone to hide as well. Losing yourself in some colourless liquor…trying to forget.

_'Can you forget? …I know I can't.'_

I let out a frustrated sigh, slamming my hand down on the countertop and rattling my half-empty coffee cup.

_'It isn't supposed to be like this! …The plan worked perfectly…I gained your trust and Iused you to get what I wanted. Plans like that have never bothered me before…why only now does it make my insides ache…?_

_Riku, darling…I think I made a mistake.'_

I sunk down into my chair, my head spinning. I placed a hand to my forehead, losing my fingertips in tangled white strands of hair.

This was a new feeling for me…but I did recognize the emotion to be that of regret.

_'Oh, Riku…What have I done?'_

_XXX_

_(Riku) _

_'How is it that this apartment is always so cold…?' _

I stumbled in the front entrance of my small apartment and kicked the door closed behind me. I fumbled with the chain lock for a few moments and after I had gotten my door as securely closed as I could manage in my inebriated state, I sunk down onto my ebony couch, exhausted.

_'Oh, when did I let **this **become my life?' _

I slammed my head against the cushions in frustration. Nothing felt right anymore…I was an empty shell of the person I used to be. I was a dried up husk of the youthful vibrancy I used to exhibit.

_'I…need to end this useless existence.'_

I pushed myself up from the couch and walked to my bedroom, shoving open the creaking door. The room was cold and monochrome, the only light being pale moonbeams shining in through the dark blinds of the windows.

"…Why did it have to come to this?" I whispered to the empty room, picking up the cold steel of my blade. "Why can't I just accept what happened and forget…?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I lifted my arms up and felt the prick of the blade as I pressed itshakily against the heart hammering intensely in my chest.

_'…Because…You bastard…you ripped out my heart…but damnit, I still love you.'_

I let out a final sigh of defeat and before I could stop myself, I thrust— 

_"Riku!"_

My eyes opened suddenly and I found I couldn't move a single muscle. Some invisible force was holding me against my will and my arms refused to drive the trembling blade any further into my bleeding torso.

I could barely believe the feeling that washed over when I heard your voice.

…Was it relief?

…No…I _needed_ to end this. It must be anger that coursed through my veins. Anger at being interrupted.

…At least that's what I told myself.

"Ansem!" I heard my own voice scream out. "Let me do this! It's the only thing that will end my misery!" I choked on my own confession, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

Oh, it hurt so much to admit my shortcomings…

_"Riku…did I train you to be weak?" _…Those words cut deeper than the tip of metal that had been embedded in my flesh.

"No…" I whispered, only then beginning to feel the trickle of blood that had been running down my stomach and pooling at my navel.

_"Then why the hell are you giving up? …Riku, you're breaking my heart."_

"Good!" My own tired voice shouted out while I was lost in the passionate emotion of themoment. "Maybe you'll get a taste of how I've felt for the past three months!" I was met with silence at my remark. …Do you have nothing to say to that, _love_?

I felt the pressure on my arms let up, but the force slid the blade away from me before I could drive it any further into my chest.

I growled in frustration as your presence gently prodded me into my small bathroom and removed my shirt against my will, pressing a damp washcloth to my wound.

"Stop." I mumbled, trying to push away your invisible hands and clean the wound myself.

_"Riku." _Your voice held that _tone_. Oh yes…the tone you always used if I asked for too much sex when I was younger. Your 'I don't have to listen to you, kiddy' voice.

…Ah, how is it even the simple pitch of your voice can bring up memories…?

…

I sunk down to sit on the edge of the tub, letting your phantom hands roam over me while I stared brokenly at the tiles of the floor. The moonlight flooded in through the skylight above and gave the cold, emotionless bathroom a pale silvery sheen.

"Ansem…" I said softly, feeling your gentle ministrations on my alabaster skin. "Why did you chose _my _life to make a living hell?"

Your ministrations hesitated for a moment before dipping low and wiping the blood off of my lower stomach.

_"Was spending time with me so bad?" _

"No." I whispered, watching a few stray drops of crimson fall on the immaculate tiles. "I loved my time with you. You don't know…how much you effected me. How good you made me feel…up until you betrayed me! My life has been upset since the night you made me…Why did I have to be the one who had to do that? Why me…?"

_"You were perfect for the job. …And you executed your duty gracefully. You should've been proud." _

I growled low in my throat and batted away your hands. I did **not **need you saying Idestroyed my best friend _gracefully_.

_"Riku…you know…if I thought you'd accept it, I would apologize." _I scoffed loudly.

"You're right in thinking I won't, Ansem. Nothing you say is ever going to make me forgive you." The soothing touches stopped abruptly…and I felt a cold tingling where they had been.

_"Riku…I feel…regret." _

"I feel an gnawing emptiness within me that everyday threatens to consume my entire being. Your emotions mean nothing to me, Ansem."

_"I **am **sorry about hurting you. If there was another way to acquire the keyblade, I would have done so, but Riku…you must understand, I did it for a reason."_

"Ansem…" My voice echoed in the deserted bathroom, and when I realized I was speaking out loud to nothingness, I spoke softer, almost mumbling my words. "I understand you'd go to any length to get what you want…but you hurt me so badly…Ansem, I can't…I can't do this anymore." I stared blankly at the floor, my aqua eyes dark and empty, my pale locks of hair falling over my forehead limply. "…Leave me alone, Ansem. Let me do what **I **want to do."

_"I'll leave you alone…but I refuse to let you destroy your own life. You're better than that, so don't even try."_

I felt your imposing presence leave and I was once again alone in the cold, empty restroom.

_'Alone…'_ Tears pricked in my eyes as I realized just how alone I really was…and that I wasn't able to remedy the ache in my heart…because of you. 

_'Damn you, Ansem! **Damn you!**' _

_XXX_

_(Ansem)_

Your wails of pain broke my heart. They really did…But then I was reminded that you were right…that the heartache I felt was nothing compared to what you must have been dealing with.

But what could I do? I'd sealed myself out of your heart when I refused to let you take your own life.

But I…I couldn't stand by and watch you do that to yourself.

_'Maybe I'm being selfish…but I can't watch you mutilate your own beautiful body…kill the existence I've come to love so dearly. Oh Riku, when you shut me out of your life…I felt a part of me die…the one longing for things to be how they once were.'_

I sighed, lost in my own emotions…caught up in a tangled thread of regret and agony.

_'I screwed up…and I'm receiving my punishment, aren't I?' _

_XXX_

_(Riku) _

I was once again at the bar…embracing the fiery liquors I'd come to rely solely on. I was trying to escape from my own thoughts…but of course…I was failing miserably.

_'Ansem…why, Ansem? Why couldn't we have just been happy how we were? Why did everything have to change…?'_

'_Damnit, Ansem! You're always on my mind. God…I can't do this!'_ I screamed in my mind, whipping my head around and letting out a snarl of frustration.

' _I'm absolutely losing it! I can't stop thinking of you, I can't stop drinking, I can't stop feeling bad for myself, I can't stop my futile suicidal thoughts, I can't stop feeling guilty, I can't stop talking to myself like I'm going insane! I can't do it!' _I jumped up from my seat, tipping over my glass and chair in one movement. The bar around me fell silent, and I looked around quietly, my body shaking like a frightened doe's.

'_I'm losing it! …I…I'm sinking.'_

Before anyone could say a word I turned and bolted out the door, running blindly into the pitch-black night, the only sound being the lingering echo of my shoes against the pavement.

'_Please help me…don't let me drown.'_

**XXX**

* * *

_AN: Poor little Riku…he's so much more bitter in this chapter. _

_I hope I was able to convey just how angry and frustrated he was at the world, here._

_Ah…and I meant to put more of Ansem's perspective in…but there wasn't much place for him in this chapter. I was too busy with Riku angst to pay my other lovely boy much attention. I'll make it up to him in the next chapter…_

_Okay…next chapter will be the last…This twisted little version of Romeo and Juliet will be wrapped up soon enough… X,x;;_

_Who knows…maybe I'll even give Riku a happy ending! (Wink)_


	3. Shattered Memories

**A Single Night**

**Chapter 3**

_AN: My darling Riku may be able to rest his aching heart finally…(sighs) Who knows…well, you won't unless you read on!_

_I do not own **Kingdom Hearts**…If I did, you would never hear from me again. I would be much too busy sitting around in my various piles of money, ordering hot guys to give me a pedicure, while I watched sculptors construct a gold monument of Ansem and Riku doing it in my front yard for all to see…so you can see why I'd have no time to write. _

_(Wistful sigh) It'll never happen…but it's still a nice mental picture, right? (Grins) I thought as much. _

_Normal warnings…but if you've read the first two chapters…then I doubt you'd have any problems with this one._

* * *

**XXX **

_(Riku)_

I stopped running only when my lungs felt like they were on fire and I doubled over panting, my chest heaving from my exertion. My heart pounded in my chest and I leaned against a building, my arm supporting my weakened body.

'_I was suffocating in there…it felt as though I was drowning in liquor and nothing could save me from the depths of inebriation…'_

I let out a shaky sigh and sank down to the ground, settling my back against the brick wall.

'_Something needs to change. I can't do this to myself anymore. It's Goddamn torture.' _

I rested against the building, trying to catch my breath and attempting to calm down my over-stimulated brain.

'_Heh…you drove me to being a damn drunkard. You heartless bastard…' _

I tossed my head back in anger and it struck the wall mercilessly; I would have cried out had I not overheard a name spoken by a man I assumed was standing around the corner of the brick wall.

"—Finally venturing out, Ansem?"

"Needed groceries. Had to happen sooner or later."

I almost broke down when I heard your voice; I wanted to see you so badly…and yet I also felt like the moment I'd lay eyes on you I'd probably jump up and strangle you mercilessly.

"How's life been treating you?"

"Not well, I must admit."

"You know what they say…things always get worse before they get better." I could hear one of your signature sighs of exasperation.

"I am certainly not one to say that."

"…You don't seem like the type anyway."

I relaxed against the wall slightly, letting my strained ears rest.

_'Why can't I escape you? You're here in this town…living here, I presume. How long? Why didn't I find you before this?'_

Unanswerable questions plagued my thoughts and I had half a mind to jump up and storm up to you, demanding answers.

_'Not yet. I have the upper hand…I have the element of surprise.'_

With that important element on my side…I formulated a plan to take care of my problems once and for all.

_'Ansem, your death will be at my hands. That I can promise you.'_

…

I waited until you had finished shooting the breeze with the man outside the building, and silently followed you at a distance to your home.

In this town you had managed to find another cozy apartment hidden among the city streets. Completely unmarked, completely normal. No wonder I hadn't been aware of your presence or located your hiding place.

I watched you enter your modest abode from the shadows of an alley across the street and in doing that, I felt like such a Goddamn stalker…

_'But I now know where you live, Ansem…and I'm going to pay you back for what you did. One way or another…all your machinations are coming back ten-fold, sweetheart.'_

XXX

_(Ansem)_

I shut and locked my door without a second thought. I knew that I could easily deal with any intruders that may present themselves; so securing my door was more habit than actual worry.

I dropped off my meager groceries on the kitchen's black marble countertop, hearing a dull resounding thud in my empty, silent apartment.

_'Always so alone…so quiet.'_

I gave a less than excited look at the groceries that needed unpacking and instead of putting away the few items, I turned to my bedroom to get undressed.

…

The plush maroon carpet brushed against my bare feet as I walked to my closet to grab out my favourite silk robe. The deliciously dark fabric clung to my figure like a second skin, and I remembered that you always loved it when I wore this certain robe…

_'Riku…everything reminds me of you. Am I really that desperate for you?'_

I heaved a sigh and turned to the door to go unpack the groceries when I caught sight of the various picture frames cluttered on the mantle piece on the far side of my room. I drifted over to the fireplace, thoroughly distracted.

_'Pictures…captured memories of us together…actually together and in love.' _

My fingers reached out and wrapped around the cool black frame of my favourite photo of us. Oh, how that photo brought back memories…it reminded me of much better times.

The picture was in Hollow Bastion, in an airy corner of the library where sunlight filtered in…it contained you, Kiros, and myself…and God, we looked so content and care-free.

…

_'"Ansem! Look at what I found!" You ran up to me like an over-enthusiastic five-year-old, your lips curved up in a bright smile. _

_"What did you find, darling?" I leaned over, peering at what you had cradled in your hands; I then quickly pulled my face back when I heard a small yip come from the small creature you were holding. _

_"Look Ansem, I found a puppy! Isn't he just the cutest? …Can we keep him?" I raised an appraising brow at the shaggy, grey and black pup, and it looked right back at me with big, shining sepia-coloured eyes. _

_"Does he have a collar or identification tags? Where did you find him?" You pointed down the street to a darkened alleyway. _

_"I don't see any…and he was shivering outside that alley…he was cold and he looks hungry. **Hungry**, Ansem." You cuddled the pup to your chest and looked up at me with big, hopeful eyes. I sighed, knowing I wouldn't get out of that position easily. What fifteen-year-old could pass up a helpless puppy? _

_"Well…if he's hungry…I suppose we'll need to feed him." You practically glowed when I relented and you clutched the pup closer to your chest._

_"Thank you, Ansem. I appreciate this." You stood on your toes and planted a kiss on the corner of my lips and then laid your cheek on my chest, blushing as I brought my hand up to the small of your back and pulled you close. _

_"…Anything for you, love." We stood like that for a few moments, silent and consumed by the intimacy of the moment. We were finally brought out of our embrace by the muffled bark of the pup crushed between our bodies. I looked down at the pitiful creature wriggling in your hands. "Shall we take him home now?" You nodded and as we turned away you tucked your free hand into mine, intertwining your slim fingers with mine and tilting your face upwards, giving me a wholehearted, sincere grin.'_

My fingers shook ever so slightly as I ran them over the cool pane of glass covering the photo.

_'I love you so much, Riku…It's almost painful to breathe sometimes because of the force of my love for you… But how can I tell you that now?'_

The fading photograph was of a happier lifestyle…it was taken about a month before I betrayed your trust…at the time when our love was just blossoming and we had discovered the beauty of being together.

_'"Ansem, c'mon! I'm waiting you know…" I smiled at your outburst and spent a few more moments fiddling with the camera just to stall and annoy you. "Hey…if you don't hurry up Kiros'll pee on the carpet while he's waiting."_

_"Then you'll be the one to clean up after him, sweetheart." You stomped your foot and fumed, looking much like a cast-off angel in the glow of the midday sunlight streaming in on you. _

_"Well we wouldn't have to worry if you'd get that thing set up sometime in the next century."_

_"All good things come in time, you impatient little brat." I heard an indignant snort come from your direction and I couldn't suppress the small smile that played upon my lips. I finally finished setting up the timer on the camera and rushed over to you, slinging my arm over your shoulder and giving your ticklish ribs a poke to make you smile for the picture. _

_After the flash you gave me a blistering glare, then let Kiros jump from your arms and you began to run with him out of the library, letting out a mocking laughter. _

_"That's all you get, old man…unless you can catch me!" I shook my head, the smile still gracing my features. _

_"You're an insufferable whelp…" I muttered under my breath to the empty room. "But you're mine, nonetheless."' _

…

_'But after that…it all went to hell, didn't it? My ornately spun web of deceit unraveled and I was left alone in the impending darkness to debate my own self-loathing. …Left alone with only my memories of you fresh upon my mind, tormenting me.' _

Everything was lost to me after my move for power…I lost you, I lost my reputation, I lost my body to the darkness...damn it…I even lost Kiros.

After you disappeared, the poor creature went half-mad pining futilely for you. He would tremble and whine and was so upset that he ran away from me one evening…right into the path of a vicious heartless I could no longer control.

After my mistake…after my defeat, I lost everything.

_'And oh, what I wouldn't give to have it all back…'_

I attempted to replace the photo on the mantle, but my shaking hands missed and the frame fell to the floor, glass shattering on my bedroom carpet. I stared down at the glass shards, not quite realizing what I had done.

_'…Is that a fitting end? The glass shattering just like my happiness? …Broken and unmendable like my heart?' _

I let out a shuddering sigh as I knelt down to pick up the scattered pieces.

_'Oh Riku…'_

XXX

(_Riku_)

I paced around my apartment, restless. My aqua eyes kept flicking to the night-stand where I kept the wickedly long knife I had proclaimed was strictly for self-defense.

_'If I bring out that knife…then tonight…I know I'll come kill you. If I can see that blade, then there will be no stopping myself from picking it up and running to your apartment, giddy at the mere thought of driving the metal in your heart…'_

I stopped pacing, a sick feeling curling against my stomach.

_'Oh God…Is this blood lust? Am I really so deranged that I crave carving up your beautiful body?'_

I settled into the navy plush chair in the corner of the room, crossing my arms over my nauseous stomach and hanging my head, absolutely disgusted with myself.

_'Can I really do it? Can I really kill you after all we've been through together?'_

…

There isn't a night that goes by that I don't dream of us together.

Some times I dream of the night you forced me to destroy Sora; but so many times I wake up panting and moaning, my dreams filled with images of us together. Your soft, velvety lips kissing and claiming…my desperate hands digging into the flesh of your back…my soft pale body writhing beneath your darkly tanned, muscular one…your silver cascade of hair spilling over my slender shoulders…my high-pitched breathless voice endlessly begging for 'more'…

_'The Goddamn dreams torment me…but how can I possibly end your life…and end those dreams with it?'_

They…they're the only things that make me feel alive anymore…

…

Even though the dreams make me ache with unquenchable lust…can I really force myself to forget just what it was like to be with you? …Can I really do that to myself?

I gave another glance to the closed night-stand drawer.

…

Summoning up all my will power, I shoved myself up from the cushioned chair and walked to the night-stand on unsteady feet.

_'…It's all or nothing, isn't it?'_

Without another thought, I wrenched open the door and pulled out the gleaming blade, my mind blanking out and going red and hazy.

I ran out the door, and I'm sure the people littering the streets would consider me to be a madman.

…

…And I can't blame them.

I looked and felt like a hell-bent madman running into the shadows of the night to pay revenge.

XXX

_(Ansem)_

_'Your thoughts are more confused now then they've ever been. You must be about to pay me a visit.'_

I'm not sure just how you discovered my small out-of-the-way apartment again. It seems that no matter where I move away to, no matter how well I think I've hidden myself…you're able to find me. You remind me of one of those hounds that can track down runaways…

_'Is that what I've done? Runaway?'_

I've become accustomed to running away and hiding, I suppose.

_'But I can't hide now…you know where I am. You'll be here before the night is out. I refuse to read your mind now…but I can still sense your emotions…I feel that rage seething below your surface, love.'_

I left my front door unlocked to save you the trouble of breaking it down and I padded softly to my bedroom, closing the door after me.

I tugged the heavy, ebony curtains closed, but silver moonlight still flooded into the room from the skylight situated in the center of the ceiling, illuminating my sparsely furnished bedroom.

_'I chose this apartment simply for this room. It reminds me so much of my old bedroom in Hollow Bastion…right down to the maroon carpet and dark furniture and bedcovers.' _

I sighed as I thought of all the memories we'd created in my dark, sensual lair…

_'That was the place we first made love…the place I first told you how much I loved you…the place you'd come looking for me at when you'd awakened from a bad dream. I suppose by claiming this room I'm simply trying to unearth a buried memory…'_

I gave a quick glance to the cold, metal clock ticking on the wall next to my dresser and decided to wait for you in the comfort of my bed. I pulled the soft folds of my robe off my body and slid in between the onyx sheets, relaxing against the pillows propped up against the headboard.

_'How do I manage to sleep without you? I miss having you at my side the entire night…God, I sound like such a desperate old widow right now.' _

I sunk down deeper into the soft mattress, scoffing as a mental image of myself sitting in a rocking-chair knitting popped into my brain.

_'Well…I certainly have the hair for it.' _

I tugged on a few unruly strands of pale hair for effect; then settled back into the dark silk of my blankets, the soft, silky fabric sliding slowly over my skin.

…

I woke with a start as I heard a crash in my front room. I knew instantly that the source had been you…that you had kicked down my door.

_'Too impatient to even try the knob? …That's my Riku, all right.'_

I didn't even have time to sit up before you kicked in my bedroom door, the wooden frame rattling at the force of your blow. Your wide eyes were a wild shade of aqua, and your chest heaved while you panted, looking around desperately for me.

You finally spied me and practically ran to my side. Your empty shaking hand ripped back the sable silk covering me modestly and you moved, poising the wicked knife you wielded right over my flawless chest.

I let out a gentle sigh and tilted my face upward to make my eyes meet yours. "Good evening darling. As you can see, I've been expecting you."

XXX

_(Riku)_

_'This is my chance…this is what I want. I finally have you vulnerable in front of me…I can repay you for all the hell you've put me through, finally.'_

…

You gave me a surprisingly soft, tender look, your orange irises showing no fear at the knife poised a mere heartbeat over your smooth, tanned chest.

"You're mine, Ansem…No matter what you say…your life is now in my hands."

"Riku…if you want to end my life, I won't stop you. You deserve to be the one that destroys my existence, in repentance for all I've done to hurt you, darling." I listened to your gentle, defeated words and my hand shook, trembling at the array of possibilities in front of me.

The sick, twisted madman part of me wanted to see your bed smeared with hot, sticky blood…your chest flayed open with crimson fluid pumping out…wanted to see your legs tangled in ripped, stained sheets and your long, luxurious hair matted with dried gore…

But the other, larger part…refused to let me hurt you. That part of me wanted to curl up beside you, once again touching my lips to your cool, sensitive skin and listen sleepily to those sweet nothings you'd always whisper in my ear.

I weighed both options in my mind…and as much as I desired the chance to rip into your flesh brutally, my heart won out and wouldn't allow me to touch you in such a cruel manner.

"I can't do it." I whispered brokenly, slowly lowering my blade to my side and dropping it weakly to the ground. "Despite all you've done to me…I can't bring pain to you. If I did that…I'd be no better than you."

You gave me a blank, confused stare; your body tensing and displaying the surprise you had at my decision.

"Why? Isn't it what you desire?" You turned your head away, burying your face in your silky pillows; your naked chest still left exposed to the cold, empty night air.

"You think I desire to kill…the only man I've ever loved?" My voice wavered and was unnaturally quiet in your spacious, frigid room…and only after speaking did I realize the cold and shiver as the penetrating night air finally worked through my clothing.

"Those were the feelings in your heart. I could sense them, sweetheart." You mumbled into the pillow and your voice demanded my attention; but all I could concentrate on were the strands of glorious, perfect white hair that fell over your prominent cheekbone.

"It's true. Those _were _my feelings. But now…seeing you like this…Ansem, I remember everything that happened and I…" I trailed off, feeling my mouth go dry at watching you in such a vulnerable state. I wanted to tell you just how much I loved you, but I'm sure you already could feel the warring emotions in my heart.

You turned to me, an unreadable emotion gracing your delicate features.

"Riku." Your voice was soft, but its simple force commanded me to look into your eyes. "Riku…get in the bed." After hearing that, I bit my lip, directing my gaze at the plush maroon carpet, avoiding the intense look glinting in your eyes.

"Ansem…" I began, my unsure feelings crawling up my throat…But I stopped because I knew there were no more excuses. Nothing I could ever say would stop me from flinging myself in that bed with you. I quickly shed my shirt and trousers, tossing them away and without another thought, I crawled under the heavy blankets beside you.

You immediately placed an arm around me, stroking my pale locks of hair and nuzzling your cheek against mine. I could feel your nude body pressed flush against mine, your skin refreshingly cool and smooth…managing to touch me in all the right places.

Goddamnit…I loved it. I loved you.

"I missed this, you know." You whispered softly, before your pliant lips found mine and claimed them in the darkness. I willingly submitted to you, bringing my fingers up to tangle in you silky hair and tugging your body to move over and cover mine.

You shifted, rolling over and moving your legs so that you were straddling my body with your own. I felt your silky inner thighs move down my hips and I tossed my head back, reveling in the memories your touch reminded me of.

I gave a soft cry as your lips moved to my neck, your tongue pressing against the sensitive skin above my collarbone, your teeth nipping at pale flesh. I ran my hands down your back in a frenzy, craving and aching for more of your touch.

_'Is this what I've been missing…?' _

"I love you so much…you're in my dreams…you're my only desire." You whispered into my ear softly, pausing between each phrase to press your lips against my jawbone and run your trembling fingers through my short, silver locks of hair. "I never want to lose you again…" I felt your lips travel down my chest, leaving a trail of damp, sticky kisses along my flesh.

"Ansem." Suddenly I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and I moved away from you, putting an arms distance between us. You looked over to me weakly, confusion clouding your exotic eyes.

"What's wrong, darling? …Did my touch displease you?"

"Ansem…you lost me once because of your treachery and lies…and then you lost me again with your deceit…how the hell can you expect me to put all that behind me so easily? …I tried that before and you still broke my heart." I shook my head slowly and crawled out of the bed, my trembling naked body instantly feeling the effects of the frigid room. "I…I can't do this to myself again. I'm sorry but this…it isn't right. I thought that I could make it work…that I could dive in this bed and forget every unpleasant thing that happened between us…but…but I can't. " I chanced a look into your eyes after proclaiming my distrust…and there was such an intense loneliness there. A look of hopeless abandonment that I had only seen once before…

…I had only seen that betrayed look in the eyes of Sora before I had murdered him.

…

"So are you leaving?" Your voice was barely above a whisper and you directed your pain-filled eyes toward the floor.

"Ansem…I…" I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted so badly for my heart and my mind to agree…to allow me the night in your arms so I'd forget my own choking pangs of loneliness… "I can't be here." I shook my head again, my shoulders hunching in an attempt to keep a straight face and not burst out into a fit of emotion from the painful decision in front of me.

"Riku--"

"I need to leave." I shook my head again and turned away defeated, taking a step toward where my clothes lay in a rumpled heap on the other side of the room.

…I had barely taken that step before I felt your quivering fingers catch my hand.

"Riku…I know I can't take back what I did. That's an impossibility. But if I let you leave…I'll never get even a _chance_ to try and show you how much I hurt without you. And that's too cruel a fate, Riku. I can't live thinking 'what if'…can you, darling?" My heart hammered in my chest as I slowly turned around to face you.

_'What if…?' _

"Riku…we can talk in the morning…I'll tell you anything you want to know, I promise." You tugged ever so slightly on my hand…and oh, how I ached to topple over on the bed, blissfully trusting your every word…

"Ansem…tell me the truth, for once in your Godforsaken life…Can I…trust your word? Will you tell me what I want to know…is what you say true?"

"…Do you think it is?"

"Why can't you give me a straight answer! I deserve that much, Ansem! I've dealt with your shit for years…why do you continue to think that my heart is strong enough to recover every time you break it?"

"Because hope is all that we have left." You gave a simple, sad smile and without answering, let go of my hand and pulled back the blankets, patting the silky sheets beside you.

_'Unanswered questions yet again…oh Ansem, can my love for you be stronger than my hatred…? Can I ever regain my faith in you, Ansem? Can I ever forget what you've done to me…ever forget the hell you've put me through and actually accept you as my lover again…?'_

Almost as if sensing my thoughts, you pulled my pale body down beside yours and wrapped a long tanned arm around my waist, whispering:

"In the morning, darling. We'll talk then and see where things go from there."

"…Fine. But it's going to be difficult…I don't forgive people easily. Not even you."

"I'd expect no less from a stubborn ass like you…" You mumbled softly, once again turning your trembling lips to my jaw. "But if you think the morning is going to be so arduous…then let's make this night last as long as we can."

I raised my fingers to your cheek, my fingertips whispering across your soft, warm flesh.

"I…can do that." I sunk down into the pillow, claiming your soft lips with my own and teasing the back of your neck with my fingers…my leg slowly moving between yours.

_'…But can I ever forgive you, Ansem? Can our past together ever override the agony you put me through?' _

I felt your tongue slide against mine, tasting and claiming me…I'd almost forgotten the feeling of such bliss. I moaned weakly into your mouth, my hands raking desperately down your smooth back as your hips slowly rocked against mine.

I arched my back against you and you moved your pink lips to my navel, kissing gently downward, dredging up memories I hadn't quite forgotten, and whirling me into a smoky haze of lust I hadn't felt in ages.

_'I'm not sure if I can ever forgive you, Ansem…but as we all know…a single night like this can change everything… _

_…So fuck the morning after.'_

**XXX**

* * *

_AN: Yea…I'm all done. Still can't figure out how a dumb one-shot turned into a chaptered story… XP _

_Oh well. Writing Ansem/Riku smut always puts me in a good mood, so I don't mind! _

_Tee-hee…all my inspiration for this chapter came from the picture of Riku I have set as my background. _

_…Oh yes._

_And a few pictures I drew during chem. class…(when I should have been studying) inspired me as well. (Sheepish laughter) …oh well. I think I enjoy my pictures more than learning what a limiting reagent is. (Falls over dead)_

_Hope ya'll enjoyed…I know I did. I love Ansem/Riku, and there aren't NEAR enough fics about them…so I had to add my own meager contribution! X,x;; _

_Expect more about them to come from my severely disturbed mind… Although I have no idea why you'd wanna read 'em… _

_Anyway…thanks for reading! Hearts and hugs for you all!_


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